Like a long sea voyage when the wind dies and there are no signs of it ever picking up again. That's what these days feel like to me. Uneventful. I should be grateful.
Since I came home from the hospital on Friday, Mum has arrived. That's great news. Also, the insurance company continues to refuse to pay for the blood thinners I need to stay alive. My oncology team has dug in their heels and they are fighting for me. BC/BS are showing some signs of giving in. Meanwhile, I switch my oxygen line from the big machine to the little tank once a day and we roll down to the Markey Center for my injections.
I've been sleeping a lot. Mom was alarmed by it, but they've assured us that my pattern is normal and to be expected at this late part of my treatment. I'm just not particularly entertaining, that's all.
One of my favorite observations is that my tongue tastes a little less lousy every day. There may be some actual eating by mouth in my future. That will be a glorious day. Of course I'll have to be able to swallow first
My neck has also started clearing up. I had severe burns, dark, crusty scales flaking off of my neck, especially on the right side, where the cancer started. We've been hitting that area pretty hard with moisturizer and once a day I scrub it lightly to try to get the worst of the burned tissue off. It is still very tender and ugly, but we're making headway, at least on the outside. The sores inside will have to mend on their own.
Progress comes in tiny steps, but it comes. In a few days, my body will realize that it is no longer being bombarded with rays and poisons and start healing itself. A few weeks after that, the testing will begin - the long series of mileposts that will confirm that the battle has been won. Part of me dreads those days. I don't want to spend any time sitting around waiting to hear if I still have cancer. On the other hand, I want to fill all the other days as best I can. If there is good news, I want to be ready to enjoy it. If bad news, I don't want to regret the way I've spent these next few weeks.
If the wind isn't going to fill my sails for a while, I'll just have to find something else to do in my little ship. Maybe some fishing...
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