Tuesday, July 27, 2010

#236: Pennsy Looks at Fifty

They are the moments that changed everything.

The morning I decided to carpet my backyard swing set and wound up breaking both bones in my right arm.

The night I saw her breasts for the first time, creamy and translucent in the moonlight.

The day I stopped to watch some bass swimming in a pool in the creek at scout camp, not knowing that for the rest of my life, when I wanted to come to a peaceful place, I would return here.

The night my sister called to tell me that Dad was gone. The day before when his last words to me were, "God bless you."

The morning you gave me a scholarship to come be an actor at your college.

The afternoon you invited me to sing "God Bless America" with the band.

The day you showed me your face during my first communion.

Big moments

Nixon quit.

The Steelers won. And won. And won. And won.

The Towers fell.

Small moments.

You said you'd like to go out again.

To move in together.

To get married.

We said "I do."

And we did.

A lump on an x-ray. no bigger than a fist, a light bulb

"Cancerous," he said.

And it was.

And we fought for our life. Together.

Together.

Fifty is not such an achievement, I suppose. It's more of an attendance award. A birthday is the medal you get for sticking around. They all start running together. But the big ones, the new decade ones, they are worth noticing. Time to take stock. After all, the chances of having fifty more birthdays are pretty slim. It's worth noticing what's passed by during all those mornings and evenings. The things done and things left undone. Choices made and choices avoided.

I wish I had been braver.Worked harder. Not given up so easily.

But I'm glad I was strong enough to try. Stubborn enough to stick with a few things. In love enough to stay.

I'm glad I lived long enough to figure out how cool my mom is.

Long enough to forgive God. And myself.

Fifty more birthdays? Why not? It turns out, I'm a fighter with an awful lot of people in my corner. I had no idea.

Fifty more! Let's do it together! Let the lion roar...

Peace,
pennsy

1 comment:

  1. ROAR!!!!!!! (I'M NOT A LION...BUT THE 2 WEE ONES ARE! WE R ROOTING FOR YOU! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOOOOOO!)
    LOVE,
    LAURIE

    ReplyDelete

There was an error in this gadget

Label Cloud

mrs p Cancer running lifting weights LIVESTRONG at the YMCA treadmill weight nutrition depression God Living Strong at the Y injury YMCA dogs mom walking radiation Weight Lifting cardio friends program theatre body fat long slow run love One for the Five aches elliptical race resistance bands stretching 5K Acting Jeff Galloway chemo doctor family mental health Church Pittsburgh Marathon bluegrass fundraising inspiration patience personal trainer recovery Flying Pig Marathon Jesus Johns Striders Race Report Run the Bluegrass Half Marathon bipolar frustration kentucky knees measurements morning promatx yoga Christmas Marathon Pennsy's Greatest Hits cats clothes heart rate hope lance armstrong life molly poetry rest side effects steelers swimming 10K Actors' Guild of Lexington Blog CT Scan Coach Carrie PET Scan cross training exercise fear feeling good groin healing ice cream livestrong nausea powerlifting run/walk/run stair climber surgery Cancer Fighter Cold Gear Hills Iron Horse Half-marathon Job LSR Mum Nike+ Shamrock Shuffle 3K achilles advent arboretum bmi bodyweight exercises changes charity circuit training cycling dad deadlift diabetes encouragement experts give up goals horses interval training jake kettlebells lean body mass new rules of lifting pacing personal best plateau prayer recumbent bike research shoes sleep strength teeth therapist toe video Blood Easter Endurance Funeral Garmin 405 Homecoming House Insurance Juicing Keeneland Legacy Night PR Pennsyltucky Pittsburgh Relapse Run This Town TRX Training Values aflac arnold ben-gay bench press chafing christian compression shorts dentist dreams faith fat fatigue foreclosure good day half marathon hospitality javarunner john's run/walk shop lou schuler new year nurse pains peg tube powercage progressive resistance. racing rain rapture reboot runners world squat sun block supplements team pennsy tired weather will rogers work #3rightThings 9-11 ACSM AIDS Aquaphor Blessings Bluegrass 10K CSN Cancer Boy Cedar Hill Charles Dickens Class of 82 Classes Colby Road College Compassion Courage Crowdrise Cystoscopy Dee Diet EFM Epiphany Fall Fartlek Fat Man Fat Sick and Nearly Dead Frankfort Gadgets Gramma Grampa Gratitude Grete Waitz Guest HITT HIV Hell Holding Hands Holy Saturday Homer Horse Capital Marathon IVP Ice bath Jacuzzi James Taylor Jesus wept Joe Cross John Izzo Joy KY LaDonna Leg Day Lent Lessons Lexington Little Pennsy Mental hospital Midsummer Night's Run Mindfulness MobileFit Negative Splits Old Frankfort Pike Pilates Podrunner Pre-race Priorities RICE Railrunner 10 Miler Random thoughts Resurrection Reunion Run Bob Run Run Report Run Review Run for the Gold 3K Running Form Running for Sabrina STUPID Shakespeare Skip Brown Speed Spinning Summer Of Speed Sunrise Supersets Tao Te Ching Thank You The Wall Three Right Things Toxic Passenger UK UK basketball Urine Urologist Victory Walk of Shame Warrior Westminster Whole Foods Wind Words Zumba ace bandages addicted agony alwyn cosgrove america anger antibiotic anxiety awake back baseball blood clots blood pressure body glide bonhoeffer books brad calories chinup colonoscopy consistency crazy cycles dentures dip dr. google dumbbells elevation facebook failure farts feet fight for life fitness forgiveness frankenpennsy fun getting started glucosamine glutes goal gremlin grenz grumpy hair hamstrings hiccups high school hot ice incarnation indian food jogging john lennon joint legacy trail liniment lunges machines maker's mark mapmyrun.com medicine ball meds mercy motivation motley fool music nature neighborhood new balance nike noah numbers pennsyltuckian periodization persistence phlebitis postmodern prison professional boundaries progress psychiatrist pullups pushups quads ramble rememberance renewal road running ronnie coleman rowing safety sauna scan-ziety sexy shopping shorts shower sick sleepless snow socks spandex star trek statistics steam room steroids stiff strained muscle strap strength training supination support surgeon survive swackett swiss balls table technology tempo terry bradshaw testicular torsion text thai food that's fit the five thighs walk breaks warm up water fitness water jogging weak wedding ring wellness wife winter workout writing yardwork