I had the chance of a lifetime yesterday. A man who hurt me badly was at a party I attended. I expected him to be there, but didn't know how I would react. A few months ago, I might have avoided him, remained aloof, come up with some snide, passive-aggressive snark to shoot his way. I have laid awake hating him, hating myself for my ignoble feelings. When we pulled up to the house, I saw him walking in. I wanted to turn and go home. Didn't want to embarrass our host. Didn't want to face the ugly feelings I harbored.
When we came into the yard, he and I made eye contact almost immediately. We weren't sure what to do. I spoke to some folks who were nearby, some who approached to comment on my weight loss, my hair loss, my blog, my health. You could tell they knew how much I love being the center of attention, and I was grateful to them for indulging me.
Next thing I knew, he was there in front of me. "Hiya Bob," his hand extended. I felt as if I stood on the edge of a cliff. It was the chance of a lifetime.
I threw my arms open and he stepped into them. Hugging is one of the things I do best. People like hugging me because I'm big and squishy, like a mammy. We embraced for a long time. "It is so good to see you," I told him, meaning it with all my heart.
"Good to see you, too," he answered. "Can I get you something to drink?" He brought me a Sprite and we chatted for a while under an umbrella. Then he was off and I held court for a while, doing my best not to upstage the guest of honor.
There are very few things in this world that feel as good as forgiveness. either received or offered. It was kind of him to accept what I gave him. I imagine God feels this way when we accept his forgiveness. When I try to picture what it will be like to meet my Father in Heaven, I think of lots of different scenes. Will I fall on my face, waiting for permission to rise? Will I run to him in gratitude? Will I wait for introductions? Will I tremble in fear?
Or just open my arms in thanksgiving when I hear the words, "It is so good to see you." Is that what forgiveness will be? A whole-hearted acceptance that needs no comment, just a long hug like a mammy's, soft and big and uninhibited by the presence of others? Will it feel as good to God as it feels to me? I could live with that.
Now that will be a party. Of course, I'm hoping to have some teeth by then. The smell of fried chicken was exquisite torture last night.
Peace,
pennsy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Label Cloud
mrs p
Cancer
running
lifting weights
LIVESTRONG at the YMCA
treadmill
weight
nutrition
depression
God
Living Strong at the Y
injury
YMCA
dogs
mom
walking
radiation
Weight Lifting
cardio
friends
program
theatre
body fat
long slow run
love
One for the Five
aches
elliptical
race
resistance bands
stretching
5K
Acting
Jeff Galloway
chemo
doctor
family
mental health
Church
Pittsburgh Marathon
bluegrass
fundraising
inspiration
patience
personal trainer
recovery
Flying Pig Marathon
Jesus
Johns Striders
Race Report
Run the Bluegrass Half Marathon
bipolar
frustration
kentucky
knees
measurements
morning
promatx
yoga
Christmas
Marathon
Pennsy's Greatest Hits
cats
clothes
heart rate
hope
lance armstrong
life
molly
poetry
rest
side effects
steelers
swimming
10K
Actors' Guild of Lexington
Blog
CT Scan
Coach Carrie
PET Scan
cross training
exercise
fear
feeling good
groin
healing
ice cream
livestrong
nausea
powerlifting
run/walk/run
stair climber
surgery
Cancer Fighter
Cold
Gear
Hills
Iron Horse Half-marathon
Job
LSR
Mum
Nike+
Shamrock Shuffle 3K
achilles
advent
arboretum
bmi
bodyweight exercises
changes
charity
circuit training
cycling
dad
deadlift
diabetes
encouragement
experts
give up
goals
horses
interval training
jake
kettlebells
lean body mass
new rules of lifting
pacing
personal best
plateau
prayer
recumbent bike
research
shoes
sleep
strength
teeth
therapist
toe
video
Blood
Easter
Endurance
Funeral
Garmin 405
Homecoming
House
Insurance
Juicing
Keeneland
Legacy
Night
PR
Pennsyltucky
Pittsburgh
Relapse
Run This Town
TRX
Training
Values
aflac
arnold
ben-gay
bench press
chafing
christian
compression shorts
dentist
dreams
faith
fat
fatigue
foreclosure
good day
half marathon
hospitality
javarunner
john's run/walk shop
lou schuler
new year
nurse
pains
peg tube
powercage
progressive resistance.
racing
rain
rapture
reboot
runners world
squat
sun block
supplements
team pennsy
tired
weather
will rogers
work
#3rightThings
9-11
ACSM
AIDS
Aquaphor
Blessings
Bluegrass 10K
CSN
Cancer Boy
Cedar Hill
Charles Dickens
Class of 82
Classes
Colby Road
College
Compassion
Courage
Crowdrise
Cystoscopy
Dee
Diet
EFM
Epiphany
Fall
Fartlek
Fat Man
Fat Sick and Nearly Dead
Frankfort
Gadgets
Gramma
Grampa
Gratitude
Grete Waitz
Guest
HITT
HIV
Hell
Holding Hands
Holy Saturday
Homer
Horse Capital Marathon
IVP
Ice bath
Jacuzzi
James Taylor
Jesus wept
Joe Cross
John Izzo
Joy
KY
LaDonna
Leg Day
Lent
Lessons
Lexington
Little Pennsy
Mental hospital
Midsummer Night's Run
Mindfulness
MobileFit
Negative Splits
Old Frankfort Pike
Pilates
Podrunner
Pre-race
Priorities
RICE
Railrunner 10 Miler
Random thoughts
Resurrection
Reunion
Run Bob Run
Run Report
Run Review
Run for the Gold 3K
Running Form
Running for Sabrina
STUPID
Shakespeare
Skip Brown
Speed
Spinning
Summer Of Speed
Sunrise
Supersets
Tao Te Ching
Thank You
The Wall
Three Right Things
Toxic Passenger
UK
UK basketball
Urine
Urologist
Victory
Walk of Shame
Warrior
Westminster
Whole Foods
Wind
Words
Zumba
ace bandages
addicted
agony
alwyn cosgrove
america
anger
antibiotic
anxiety
awake
back
baseball
blood clots
blood pressure
body glide
bonhoeffer
books
brad
calories
chinup
colonoscopy
consistency
crazy
cycles
dentures
dip
dr. google
dumbbells
elevation
facebook
failure
farts
feet
fight for life
fitness
forgiveness
frankenpennsy
fun
getting started
glucosamine
glutes
goal
gremlin
grenz
grumpy
hair
hamstrings
hiccups
high school
hot
ice
incarnation
indian food
jogging
john lennon
joint
legacy trail
liniment
lunges
machines
maker's mark
mapmyrun.com
medicine ball
meds
mercy
motivation
motley fool
music
nature
neighborhood
new balance
nike
noah
numbers
pennsyltuckian
periodization
persistence
phlebitis
postmodern
prison
professional boundaries
progress
psychiatrist
pullups
pushups
quads
ramble
rememberance
renewal
road running
ronnie coleman
rowing
safety
sauna
scan-ziety
sexy
shopping
shorts
shower
sick
sleepless
snow
socks
spandex
star trek
statistics
steam room
steroids
stiff
strained muscle
strap
strength training
supination
support
surgeon
survive
swackett
swiss balls
table
technology
tempo
terry bradshaw
testicular torsion
text
thai food
that's fit
the five
thighs
walk breaks
warm up
water fitness
water jogging
weak
wedding ring
wellness
wife
winter
workout
writing
yardwork
Thanks for sharing about your big mammy hugs (that is me too) and forgiveness. Monday is when my John begins round 2 of chemo. However, he and our son are going night fishing on Sunday. As you know, since chemo is part of his life the sun cannot be. John and Paul (our son) went shopping for fishing gear and licenses. John was pleased that he didn't have to pay for one in Missouri because he is a senior citizen. J & P talked about what kind of fish they might get and how long it has been since they went fishing. Mostly, it will be about father/son time. That is the most important reason to head out to the lake in Lawson. Both of them know this may be short-lived in the future but no one is saying anything. Better to just focus on the memories they will be creating. I can't wait to hear all about it.
ReplyDeleteRobyn
There are few memories as vivid or precious as the ones I have of fishing with my father. What a great gift for both of them. You may not hear ALL about it, nor should you. There are things a father and son share when they're fishing that they can never talk about anywhere else. I am so glad for both of them, and for you. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers... love, bob
ReplyDeleteYou are a bigger person than me, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI admire you for what you did and absorbed every word with true knowledge of how you must have felt.
I hope that this encounter has now allowed the feelings from the past to dissolve along with the deep hurt I know was inflicted.
You've always been able to rise to any occasion... that's you, and you are one of a kind and very special.
Thank you Studentburg. I'm pretty surprised at how easy it was to feel better. I guess you don't realize the true wieght of a grudge until you put it down...
ReplyDeleteOh,it's me.... Linda is Studentburg BTW
ReplyDeleteDue to my life on a street entirely composed of college students.
( Bane of my existence )