Monday, October 18, 2010

#266: Back to "Real Life"

I have appointments with the oncologist today and the surgeon tomorrow. We'll be reviewing the results of my PET scan. As I understand it, this test will be much more definitive than the CT scan from last month. I'm hoping that the results will knock me out of my funk, whatever they are.

Mrs. P is doing a great job of going back to work. She seems to be picking up right where she left off. She's back to offering therapy and love to her young clients and their families. I'd like to be able to do that, but when I think about it, I have to admit that "where I left off" wasn't all that great. I think that's part of what has me so down. Beating cancer was great, but it didn't make any of my other problems go away. I think that part of me was grateful to have a single thing to focus on. I could ignore everything else, because when your life is at stake, nothing else matters. Now I have to go back to "real life" - whatever that is going to be. There are things that can't be fixed by lying on a table and letting them shoot you full of radiation.

I watched a couple of debates on TV last week. One was between Christine "I'm not a witch" and whoever the little guy she's running against is. The other was between Rand Paul and Jack Conway, the senatorial candidates in KY. These are two very different races that pose the same question. Is it better to elect someone with integrity and the courage of their convictions, or to elect the person likely to vote the way you want them to? Christine what's her name is not stupid, but she is ill informed about a lot of things. She believes some thinks I think are nuts, but she's honest about it. Her opponent is a liar of the first water. It's one thing to pad your resume with school credentials that are kind of true. It's a whole 'nother thing to lie about fighting in a war that you never saw. How do you pick between a nut and a liar?

The Kentucky race is harder for me, maybe because it's closer to home. Rand Paul is clearly the grown-up in the room. Conway says absurd things about his opponent, pulling phrases out of context to paint a false picture of what Paul stands for. Paul lets Karl Rove and his assassins do the dirty work in his campaign, while sticking to libertarian ideology that ignores the real consequences of his ideas. I don't agree with Rand Paul, but I sure respect him a lot more than the democrat running against him. So do I vote for the better man, or for the man whose votes will be more in line with my own ideas?

See what I mean? Cancer is so much easier than real life...




  1. Well, Bob, it's complicated. (Welcome back, by the way, you look more and more like your old matinee-idol self.) Anyway, here's my rule--always vote for the Democrat unless he's the subject of an ongoing criminal investigation.

    Hope this helps.


  2. Just wanted to pop in because I hadn't read your blog since the end of August/first of September. Lots happening with John and our family. John, Paul, the dog and I drove out to San Diego. We got there in three days. John was very proud of driving half the time. We sent him back to Kansas City the day after we settled in at my dad's home. John spent the next 7-8 days in bed recovering from the drive.

    I flew back to KC with my son a bit over a week ago to help things along with getting the house ready to sell. Sadly, nothing at all had been done during the 5-6 weeks that we were in SoCal so my work was cut out for me. Thankfully, #2 daughter and my 1 y.o. grandson came out for three days to help organize and fill the dumpster. That made real progress but now I am returning to SoCal next Thursday so I feel a great pressure to locate someone to paint the house trim, order the flooring for both upstairs bathrooms, order new carpeting for the first floor, stain and install the edging/molding around the floor boards in the kitchen, breakfast nook and entry hall.

    I have been taking over many things that are donated but so much more remains. I have to take the cats to the vet for shots and health certificates, make reservations for them to fly out to SoCal this coming week. We have a friend who runs a furniture business and will have him come out and see what he might give us for the remaining furniture in the house.

    Our oldest daughter will remain in the home until it sells. I imagine that John and I will fly back sometime in February to check on things and meet with the realtor. I spoke with him on the phone this morning and can't decide if we want to go ahead and list the house now or wait until the end of February. There are pros and cons to both. One thing I know is that I am very glad we put 30% down on the house because we sure aren't going to get what the house is worth or even what we paid for it 5 1/2 years ago. Forget about the upgrades and new kitchen.

    I speak with my son every few days and he tells me that my dad doesn't eat or plan any regular meals. My son just scrounges around for food and my dad pretty much stays to himself. This was my concern for my hubby when I was away and now it seems that the men in my life just don't consider food a priority.

    Oh yes, had an awful run in with my sister about us living with Dad in SoCal. Even though my husband is battling cancer and (most likely) has a year to live, my son has to be out there for medical treatment and our financial situation is such that it is hard to handle the bills of the house in KC plus helping my dad out with meals and all sorts of other things that need done and purchase for his house ...... my sister just doesn't want us living with Dad. She wants what's "best" for him. Of course, she begged me for three years to help so that she didn't have to carry the whole burden. She wants us to rent a 2 bedroom apartment for $1200-1400/month plus still help cook and clean for Dad besides going with him to doctor's appointments and reduce his driving since he isn't as aware as he should be. So, I am feeling overwhelmed and ticked off and my husband spoke with her and we are returning and just will deal with her. It makes me sick though. How frustrating to think that your sister can't have any compassion for our financial losses the past 2-3 years (they have been great), our health issues and dealing with my dad. I pray she doesn't go through what we have because she would go bonkers.

    There, I feel better for ranting. Seriously, I have read all your back posts for the past 6-7 weeks and it does sound like you are returning to the land of the living. No matter how slowly it seems to be going you are making progress.


  3. About a week ago I went to the Actors Guild website to put my finger on the title of the Billie Holiday show I enjoyed so much and I saw your face. I knew you some years ago. If major events denote new chapters in life, I knew you 5 chapters ago in my book.

    If I may, I would like to recommend a book to you:

    "We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart." — Pema Chödrön

    Thank you Bob. Thank you for writing when you are feeling strong, and when you are not. Thank you for telling the truth.

    Just because the cancer is gone, doesn't mean we are. You were worthy before, during, and after cancer. You are not cancer. You are Bob.


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