#250: Adventures in Fine Dining

Yogurt. Oh my. Yogurt was a big mistake. It tasted like lumpy vinegar. Every day I try something new. Our one success was with what I called "gruel" but what was actually cream of wheat thinned down with milk to an almost soupy consistency. That was the first flavor I could stand to have in my mouth all summer. It was, as one of my Facebook friends said, like manna.

Actually, it was weird. It didn't taste like cream of wheat at all, it just wasn't disgusting. Applesauce. Now that was disgusting. Anything sweet is just too much for me. It turns to chemicals in my mouth. I described it to Mrs P as the flavor of a rusty snow shovel, dirty, salty and metallic. Chicken soup was better, but too spicy. The herbs in it played havoc with my stomach which hasn't had anything more adventurous than fruit punch Gatorade in it for months. Plain broth may be better. The vegetables in the soup were fine, but the chicken was hard for me to break up and swallow. Also, the noodles kind of wore me out after a while.

Oatmeal was another failure. There are a million varieties, of course, but we tried Quick Oats and they were too course and sticky for me. They coated my throat and mouth and anything that stays in there long enough turns nasty. But nothing was as bad as the yogurt. I don't know how to describe it. Blueberry yogurt is one of my favorite foods, but this was just awful, so sour and the texture was unpalatable. I could barely choke down the first spoon full.

So we continue the great experiment. Right now I'm sitting down to a nice hot bowl of gruel. Tonight we're going to try mashed potatoes. It seems like the blander the better is the way to go. Can't be too sweet. Can't be too cold. Can't require chewing. But it has to be solid food. I have to wean myself off of this liquid diet in order to get rid of the PEG tube. It's a strangely unambitious sounding project, trying to discover something I can stand to eat, but it's mine.

The funny thing is, I'm accustomed to treating my body like a dumpster. If it fits, it goes in. I've been working on receipts for last year's taxes (where would we be without that extension?) and I'm horrified at what passed for my meals when I was on the road. What a vast collection of fatty, sugary junk. Suddenly I find myself completely rebuilding my diet starting from a foundation of hot cereal. Maybe I can be a little more thoughtful this time around.

On the other hand, I would sell my soul for a slice of pizza right now. So I don't want to commit to any radical resolutions.

Peace,
Pennsy