Monday, August 16, 2010

#249: Daring to Look Ahead

A new week full of possibilities. It has been a long time since I had the courage or the inclination to look ahead more than a few hours. Suddenly I have actual plans and anticipations! Feels like part of me is coming back to life.

We should learn this week if I've been approved for COBRA coverage from work. That will aid the great drug scramble. I hope to learn if our request to waive the pre-existing status on my cancer is approved. That will free up some money to cover part of my chemo. I continue hoping for the kindness of the strangers at Blue Cross. We're also talking with the folks at Medicaid to see if they can offer any help. 

Blood work today will well us how well the anticoagulant drugs are working. If I'm progressing on schedule, I'll be able to eliminate some shots and maybe even get rid of this oxygen tube in my nose. I thought I was all finished wih shots, but they put me back on the Arixtra last week.

I've started trying to eat by mouth. I have to be off the feeding tube for a couple of weeks before they will remove it. That part is hard. I can't stand the taste of anything. Applesauce, oatmeal, even chicken broth all taste more like solvent than food. I try a little each day, but it is discouraging so far.

One thing that is not discouraging is the continued kindness and generosity of friends and family. I would have thought that by now people would have been bored with me and my stories, but they continue to call, write, and visit. It means so much.

Met with a director on Saturday who wants me to be in a staged reading of a musical. It depends on when I get my teeth. Meantime, I have started working full steam ahead as if I were preparing the role for performance. It is such a great feeling to be busy doing work that I love. I just don't know when I'll have the wind again to be able to play. One thing I learned from reading Lance Armstrong's story was to never give up on a comeback. It maybe a while, there may be false starts, but I am determined to play again.

The best news is that for the first time in months, I have something to think about besides cancer. That in itself opens a world of possibilities I am eager to explore.



  1. I am so glad that you wrote. I was missing you not sharing what has been going on and would check each day.

    Lots happening here. John was supposed to start a new session of chemo (9 days of poison to kill the cancer) and it goes 3 days on and 18 days off and then that is repeated 2 more times. Sadly, when he had a CBC yesterday morning his white count was way too low so the chemo is put off a week to see if this will give him more time to increase the white blood cells. Now he has to go back to wearing a mask any time he is in public, take antiseptic wipes with him everywhere and no more fresh fruits and veggies. That is the hardest part.

    I am not happy that this will now take him until at least the end of October if nothing else goes wrong with any of the other sessions. Paul and I will be moving out to SoCal around the 2nd week of September and staying with my dad who has the beginning (well, maybe more than beginning) of Alzheimer's. We are praying that SoCal will offer Paul more relief from the Chondrolysis. The steroid injection was to reduce the swelling in his right hip area but it hasn't done much.

    Please pray that we will be able to get the house ready to sell by the end of September so that John can join us very soon. I don't look forward to him being separated from us but am thankful that my oldest daughter will be here in Kansas City during all of this. I know that I will want to fly back to be with him but I am responsible for helping my son get the medical help he needs and the options are better in California.

    On to happier things ...... I am so pleased to read about your progress and the fact that you have hope. Hope for prolonged life and hope to be able to do something that brings you joy. God is good!!!!!!


  2. Please keep the blog posts coming! Besides keeping us connected, they are inspirational as well as enlightening and entertaining!


  3. I hope you stay the course and continue to look forward to a brighter future. Keep the blogs comming, when I read this one it brought a postive feeling to my morning.


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