#481 Glimpses of Paradise

Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants ~ Justice Louis D Brandeis

Thieves
In a lifetime
In a moment
Have stolen all that might have been
Leaving only this
hollow
calender
remembrances
antique griefs and yesterdays
carrying away 
tomorrow
in a tear stained pillowcase

They day he found this
The night she broke that
phone calls 
lab reports
surgeries and morgues
sickbeds and coffins
weddings and funerals
lovemaking
leave taking

time's impossible arithmetic
the sum of unendurable moments 
unremembered years

drowning 
grasping at ghosts of hope
terrified fingers crush the life
from each unwilling savior
why didn't you come when the sea was calm?
when my courage 
might have waited
patiently
for you to reach out instead?
when you might not have fled
to save yourself?

I will not be your audience
she said
I will not stand by and applaud
Your life's performance
how could she have known
how much i ached
for her face alone
her tears
her smile
there in the crowd
playing for many
longing for one

four years
ten
twenty
fifty
all the same
nothing learned
nothing gained

In love with love
she said
Not me
never knowing
how right and how wrong she could be

Betrayed
Forgotten
She said
Shame piled on shame

I can't pretend any more
but you are all I have
all
I 
love
all
alone

Something in the recipe
Wasn't quite right
A tiny ingredient left out
Incomplete
"sent before my time"
Poor Dick
broken in his heart
not his back
We halt together
our twisted shadows
dark reminders
of the damage done
undone
bleeding on the page
on the stage
the crippled king slashes and climbs toward Bosworth
spider pinned to the bloody earth

my kingdom for a heart
unbroken

while in the corner
dusty cartons 
hold lost years
already eaten with mildew
the words unread
medicine untaken
reminders of false starts
and broken promises

You say too much
she said
Too many words you cannot feel
as open fingers let the traveler slip
into the shadowside

Look for the center
she said
Find the way between
but is it worth the loss
of losing heaven
just to stay out of hell?

A prisoner of the cruelty of seasons
Spring color crushed 
in winter's stubborn teeth
Chewed to pulp
and left to bake
Until Autumn throws open the oven door
Hope
served cold
and another forgotten year has passed

If we don't get it out, it will kill you
he said
and so it began
the great taking away
cutting
burning
poisoning the Stranger
while Death stood watching
waiting
holding him nightly in her tender arms
until at last, even her kiss proved fleeting

I can see you
she said
wanting with all her heart
to lift him
her faith so strong
for a time, he too believed
saw himself
in her eyes
dreamed her dream
held her close
too close
too long
too late remembering
the cost of heaven

I will not hide
he said
bruises and the scars on exhibition
I will not fear your loathing
or your pity
Here is my shame
a pin pricked blister
for all to see
My only hope
he cried
Is this
chained to the mast
the merciless sun
burning out what the doctors could not reach

The price of another glimpse of paradise