Thursday, April 5, 2007

Silence is All


It is finished
The last word spoken
The last drop bled out

Jeers
Sobs
Now memories on that bloody hill

Filthy battle ground where
No matter the courage of the hero
The Victor
Is always
the
same

He amazed me
Giving me away
Like a favorite toy
She is yours/you are his
And the man
Barely more than a boy
Shamed me with his tears
Mine, so long dried out
Used up to water the roots of a promise
The once tender shoot
Broken and brown
Trodden into the mud and the spit and the sweat

Even the man/boy was empty now
Standing silently by
As they untangled the empty bag where my son had lived
From the thorny branch where the wind had blown him
Pierced him through
Held him fast

Everything had been arranged before hand
Bribes paid
Arrangements
The Man brought his people and they carried the husk
Empty
To a stranger's grave
Empty
Where they laid my boy
Troublesome
Beautiful
boy

The voice had said
Salvation
called me
blessed

Poor Joseph.
His eyes burned with courage and fear
that night
when he told me
He would stay

we crossed the world a hundred times
the four
Man Boy Woman Donkey
tiny boats thrown about
by the storms of kings

Nazareth
Bethlehem
Jerusalem
Egypt

always returning
but never home
never quite home again

lost him in the temple
lost
wandering the city like a madwoman
a boy?
Have I seen a boy?
Look around you woman.
Can you count all the boys in Jerusalem today?

found him
where he should have been
Where he loved to be

Joseph
silently working
hard tired hands aching
swollen
His great chest rising and falling in his sleep
then falling
and rising
no more

It is time,
I would tell him
A mother knows

I will know
He would answer

Now we both
know

They did their best,
but the filth remains

the blood
the soil
soaking through the linen
I can see his face
through the linen

why

why did you do

all

this

?

The boy/man touches my arm
time to put out the lamp
time to step out into the night air
if there is any
While they roll the stone into place
The only sound that ripples in the night
even the wind is
silent

then they go
eyes lowered
touch
nod
nothing left to say.

the man/boy waits
my new boy indulging his new mother
I am
so very
alone.

My heart is so full that it wants to scream
but silence

silence

silence

is all

I turn from the tomb
He offers his hand
I take it

should I believe?
or is he another man sent by God
to break my heart?

I want to hear the voice again.
My husband
My son
My angel

but no more voices
not for me
his words shot through me like an arrow
"It is finished"

so it is
no more songs from the handmaid of the lord
silence

silence

silence

is all

oh my beautiful child, my boy, my gentle gentle son
what would i give to hear your voice again
but he has forsaken
both of us

tonight the sword has pierced my heart

but death is not

merciful

to mothers

You have the silence of the tomb
the peace of the grave
the end of the pain

I am left alone
in the silence

the silence

the silence

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